On friendship and fear
Yesterday evening, just as we were sitting down to dinner, I looked out the big front window and saw two little girls walking down the sidewalk.
"Hey, Beth, isn't that Suzy Q from your class?" I said.
"Yes, it's Suzy Q and Sally too!" she said.
"And it looks like they're coming up to our front door," added Eric.
Beth flew to the front door and threw it open, beaming. I followed and heard the following heart-stopping words.
"Can Beth come over and play at my house?" little Suzy said with a grin.
* * *
Perhaps you're now saying to yourself, "Heart-stopping? What's heart-stopping about that? It's just a neighbor asking if a kid can come out and play. What could be more normal than that?"
Or, perhaps you are like me, a mama who tries to surpress her worry-wart tendencies but still can't help being a bit paranoid about her precious children.
Of course my child has played at other kids' houses before. And yes, I have left her alone at said friends' houses without me sitting there watching her every move. The difference between those situations and this one was that prior to that, these playdates were with friends I had personally selected for her. Either they are at the homes of my own personal friends; or, they have been with classmates whose parents I have gotten to know pretty well and whose homes I have visited. This was the first time that Beth was invited to a playdate that was not mother-initiated and previously-approved.
And so, I had a moment of pause. I have a smile-and-nod and chit-chat acquaintance with Suzy Q's mother and father. The girls were in the same kindergarten class last year so we saw each other every day at pick-up and drop-off. But, I have to admit, though I know which house is theirs, which car they drive, and would definitely say hi to them if we ran into each other at the grocery store...I can't actually remember either of the parents' names. I haven't been inside their home. Though they seem quite nice, I don't really know them.
And Beth is only 6. And she's so sweet and--I admit--probably has been pretty sheltered. Could I let her go off into the world (a whole two blocks away) without me?
* * *
As it turns out, I had an easy way out. A) We were just sitting down to dinner; and B) Beth had been at the pediatrician's office that afternoon with a nasty cough and was still sounding pretty bad that evening. I had two excuses to tell Suzy and Sally, "Sorry girls, Beth can't come over today. Maybe another time," and then shut the door and keep her safe at home around our familiar dinner table.
But what about when next time comes? Am I being paranoid to analyze this so much, or do other parents out there struggle with how much to let go and how much to hold on as well?
"Hey, Beth, isn't that Suzy Q from your class?" I said.
"Yes, it's Suzy Q and Sally too!" she said.
"And it looks like they're coming up to our front door," added Eric.
Beth flew to the front door and threw it open, beaming. I followed and heard the following heart-stopping words.
"Can Beth come over and play at my house?" little Suzy said with a grin.
* * *
Perhaps you're now saying to yourself, "Heart-stopping? What's heart-stopping about that? It's just a neighbor asking if a kid can come out and play. What could be more normal than that?"
Or, perhaps you are like me, a mama who tries to surpress her worry-wart tendencies but still can't help being a bit paranoid about her precious children.
Of course my child has played at other kids' houses before. And yes, I have left her alone at said friends' houses without me sitting there watching her every move. The difference between those situations and this one was that prior to that, these playdates were with friends I had personally selected for her. Either they are at the homes of my own personal friends; or, they have been with classmates whose parents I have gotten to know pretty well and whose homes I have visited. This was the first time that Beth was invited to a playdate that was not mother-initiated and previously-approved.
And so, I had a moment of pause. I have a smile-and-nod and chit-chat acquaintance with Suzy Q's mother and father. The girls were in the same kindergarten class last year so we saw each other every day at pick-up and drop-off. But, I have to admit, though I know which house is theirs, which car they drive, and would definitely say hi to them if we ran into each other at the grocery store...I can't actually remember either of the parents' names. I haven't been inside their home. Though they seem quite nice, I don't really know them.
And Beth is only 6. And she's so sweet and--I admit--probably has been pretty sheltered. Could I let her go off into the world (a whole two blocks away) without me?
* * *
As it turns out, I had an easy way out. A) We were just sitting down to dinner; and B) Beth had been at the pediatrician's office that afternoon with a nasty cough and was still sounding pretty bad that evening. I had two excuses to tell Suzy and Sally, "Sorry girls, Beth can't come over today. Maybe another time," and then shut the door and keep her safe at home around our familiar dinner table.
But what about when next time comes? Am I being paranoid to analyze this so much, or do other parents out there struggle with how much to let go and how much to hold on as well?
6 comments:
I am thankful that we have no neighbors with children, and the friends they do have we have to drive them over, so that gives me the opportunity to meet and talk. We haven't had any invites yet to come over afterschool, I am waiting for those still. I would have done the same thing. She is only 6 I would have kept her at home.
I wouldn't let her go until I knew the parents better. You might just walk over to their house one afternoon and introduce yourself.
Nana
Jason and I didn't even have to discuss this one. When Geoffrey was invited over to the home of some friends he has played with on a regular basis at the playground the answer was a simple no. We are not comfortable having our kids go into the homes of people we do not know and if we have not been in their homes. It turns out we have been right not to allow it.
I completely understand. It's a hard one to figure out - letting them go while still protecting them. Sounds like great things to grapple with. I'll ponder it too.
Same deal here. the answer is no until I've been over and met BOTH parents and feel comfortable. I also check out older siblings. Sadly, we really have to be careful about our kids and where they go. I would definitely walk over and initiate a play date soon so you can visit and scope out the situation. Then, when the first time comes around, maybe only for 1 hour. Then check with Beth and see how it went. Chances are it will be great, but you have to be sure.
We usually invite kids to our house, unless I know the parents super well. And even then, I like having kids over at our home. Then I have a pretty good idea what is going on, I know they aren't on the computer accidentally seeing things that would not be good for them to see...
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